Lest we forget.

The tumult and the shouting dies—

The Captains and the Kings depart—

Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,

An humble and a contrite heart.

Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,

Lest we forget—lest we forget!

(Passage from “Recessional” by Rudyard Kipling)

There are moments in time that are slipping away from us. 

Moments in history that each generation becomes more and more disconnected with. My generation will someday face the time when moments and events of great purpose will be all but lost in history. I can assure you September 11^th will become a day remembered by only the few still alive to remember the day and others that learned about it through textbooks or personal family histories. There is no doubt in my mind that the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq will become chapters in books and the soldiers will become numbers an entire generation of veterans lost to time, their stories and sacrifices lost and only remembered on days when the History channel runs a special. Time does a horrid thing to world changing events and wars that transpire. It slowly pushes them farther back in the collective mind of the world. They become questions on tests we take in high school with answers we never fully commit to memory. They become movies and television shows that we somehow disconnect ourselves from while sitting in our safe plush seats. It breaks my heart to think that the events that my generation has lived through will soon be as forgotten as the stories of my parents and moreover the stories of my grandparents. 

                Many people have no idea what today is in History. You

may be sitting at your computer right now asking yourself what June 6^th has to do with anything. If you are still in close contact with your grandparents (i.e. living with them, in contact via cellphone) you could take a second and ask them. They’d probably know. It might even spark a conversation with them about your Grandfather or maybe Great Grandfather. A story about the years he served his country and the world during the Second World War.  Maybe, just maybe that Grandfather may have been a part of one of the most pivotal moments of WWII. If he was American, Canadian, or English he may have risked his life on this day in history battling the elements as well as the enemy for the right to survive a small period of 24 hours that occurred during a war that lasted six years.  Possibly he fell from the sky as member of the Airborne troops, or maybe he struggled to fight the wind and the waves as he swam onto the shore with countless other men.  Your old Grandfather was lucky, he wasn’t one of the approximate 10,000 war casualties (killed, wounded, or MIA) of this day of which the total killed is estimated at 2,500. Now, stop for a second and think about those numbers. In a world where the number “trillion” is thrown around so freely we’ve become numb to numbers. Those numbers may have passed over you without a second of emotion. You forgot that the numbers 10,000 and 2,500 represent soldiers, men, each one human being added together to get numbers in the thousands. Those aren’t just facts and figures, they are lives on paper and those numbers only represent Allied forces. Let us not forget the members of Hitler’s army, some of which were Russian, French, or Polish prisoners turned into soldiers by the commands of what history has deemed a lunatic but the current times had hailed a savior of a country. The numbers of those casualties are greatly debated but range from around 4,000 to 9,000. 

                  In the early moments of this day in history the war was

completely changed and by result the history of the world was changed. Had the members of the airborne troops not fell from the sky and the other members of allied invasion not fought the sea to land on sand being showered with death from above the entire history of the world could be different. June 6^th was the day it had to happen. Countless elements had to fall into place on one single day for the event to happen. A late rising full moon to light the way for the airborne troops as they silently moved across countryside’s of France, calm weather, and shortly after dawn a low tide for the troops to enter the way through. June 6^th did not meet all these requirements, stormy seas left men aboard ships so sick they could not function and shotty moonlight that left men straining to see in front of them. However, despite the less than perfect conditions Eisenhower knew it had to happen. “I don’t like it, but there it is….I don’t see how we could do anything else.” Thus, this day in June 68 years ago became the day the Allied forces faced a “great and noble undertaking.” On the beaches Sword, Juno, and Gold Allied troops from England and Canada arrived whilst on the beaches of Omaha and Utah Allied troops from the US landed. They had arrived on the beaches of Normandy, they had invaded the land occupied by Axis troops, they had entered the war. 

               Two years short of seven decades ago the war changed 

and less a year later the war ended. Today is many things, but first and foremost today is the 68^th anniversary of D-Day. A day that many have forgotten and few members of my generation know anything about. Only recently did my true understanding and appreciate for this day in history bloom and I’ve made a commitment to remind members of my generation and those to come about the importance of this day. D-Day is not a chapter in history books, a television special, or fine print on a calendar. D-Day is a day to be remembered in our hearts and souls, a day to remember the soldiers that came and went before our time, and that fought when the world needed them most. The “Free men of the world (that marched) together to Victory!” For there is nothing we can do for them now but remember and honor. Lest we forget.

Links:

Further reading online:

The U.S. Army Remembers D-Day

National D-Day Memorial 

For a better understanding, appreciation, and "life changing read":

The Longest Day

A personal look at D-Day featuring US Army vets

Letters from the Front

Handle

(This started off as word vomit and turned into a bit of a poetry moment. If you want to listen along as I read it out loud click the play button on the player below. IT STARTS LOUD so don't get blown away. Also, I apologize for the sound quality, the mic on my computer isn't the greatest.)





You’re like a sickness. The winter cold that I just can’t shake. A lot like a tickle in the back of my throat that keeps me awake at night coughing. Tossing and turning praying for rest, but too miserable to grasp the peaceful serenity of sleep. Or, maybe that burning itch in my eyes that comes from staring at something too long. That odd pain that I can’t quite explain as I try to blink away the tears that welled up in my eyes. Suspended in a moment while my eyes desperately try to focus on something as my head spins from imbalance. You’re the sound of my alarm clock in the morning.  A brazen reminder that I am alive to live another day, but that for the time being I’ve lost the peace that comes from being unaware. You’re an endless goodbye. The scratchy throat, red in the face, how am I going to make it through this emotion type of goodbye. The kind that leaves me restless for days. You’re like a night of binge drinking. Just like that girl wrote that poem said. You’re an endless memory of good times and rash decisions followed by the conversation in front of my bathroom mirror. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I tell myself I could handle just one more? You’re the cigarette in my hand that everybody says will someday destroy me. I inhale you anyways to curb the nagging need, but I fear I’ll never be able to put you down. You’re the rush of fear and adrenaline the moment before my face hits the ground. An unsettling preparation for the worst possible outcome that leaves me drained even if I don’t bruise. But, I always bruise. Dark purple and blue. Blue, just like your eyes, but not blue like the color of my soul. Not the blue that means happiness, dedication, belief, and love to me. But blue like lips in the dead of winter after they’ve kissed away warmth of life. You’re every little pain in life that I’ve learned to survive. You’re the moments that remind me that I’m really alive. You’re nothing I can’t handle.


I could be your final moments of the game. That feeling that rushes through your veins and tells you it’s do or die. That last shot suspended in motion while the world stops turning and your heart keeps beating. I could be a summer day. That force of nature that calls you out into the world and makes you realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side it’s a beautiful verdant field right underneath your feet. I could be the waves that lap against the boat. A comforting feeling of connection to something greater, but a challenge to withstand on a rough day. I could be your favorite movie. The one you know inside and out but never pass up the chance to see again. A story line that never grows old and that you compare everything else like it too. Or even better, I could be your favorite band. That one band that means more than all of the rest. The one that has the songs that always seem to fit your life and the album you turn to as a sense of identity. I could be your memory. The one that always makes you smile and fills your heart with the warm sensation of a genuine life experience. The one you remember on the days where life takes too much from you. I could be your home. The place where you lay your head. The safe haven you return to when life hands you the pains you remind me of. A cure for you winter cough. The soothing sensation that comes from resting tired eyes. Waking up to the sound of nothing with sunshine on your face. That lasting Hello that never leads to a goodbye. A tall glass of ice water sliding through your body after the alcohol has left you dry. That feeling in your lungs when all you breathe is fresh air. The feeling of victory when you catch something right before it hits the ground. The one to ice your bruises when life knocks you down. I could be a reminder that you are alive. I’m the one you can’t handle. 

I can be pessimistic too.

Every once in a while I stumble across some quote on the internet that goes a little something like this:

Was your first thought is to agree with this? Maybe that person you feel emotionally invested in popped in your head and your heart. Did you feel butterflies or terror? Because, I’ve learned there is a fine line between the two. A very, very long time ago I took that chance. I sat in my car and I poured my heart out to the person that I loved. Long before I was a comm. major I still had the talents to present a good argument. I listed the reasons why I loved him and then I listed the reasons why he should love me. Then, finally I took all the excuses he could give me for why we should not be together and refuted them. But, there was one argument from him I never totally expected. I never really thought that the boy I had loved so much and had given everything to would turn me down simply because I’m what the world likes to call a fat girl. Little did I know that the emotions that I felt in the moments driving away from him would last for so long. There are still days when those emotions leak into my blood stream and like liquor in your system from a night of binge drinking, bring bile to the back of my throat and regret into my mind. So many boys have entered my life since that moment in the driveway. A few of them have stolen my heart and ran away with it but I’ve never once told another one how I felt. I’ve spent countless nights wondering how my life would be if I could just walk up to the person I feel so strongly about and say something like “I really dig you and I think we could be great together, you wanna maybe give it a shot and see what happens?” But, I won’t ever do it again. You see the trick to being a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve is to keep it slightly tucked in under the cuff. That way everyone can see it but nobody has easy access to it. There is no doubt in my mind that my fear of being shattered again has led me to miss out on life in more than one occasion but fear is the world’s most powerful motivator, or “demotivator” rather. It’s not really love that rules the world and don’t you dare let Hallmark tell you otherwise. There is safety in keeping your heart to yourself but joy in sharing it with someone else, but don’t ever let yourself blindly walk into a conversation where your heart is involved. Hindsight is 20-20 and my hindsight has taught me that the minute my heart becomes emotionally invested in someone else I can do one of two things, I can open my heart up and tell them and suffer the consequence, or I can keep quiet and live off of song lyrics, tea, and hopeless daydreaming. Because, here’s the real secret, people will let you down, but your daydreams, they never will. 

The best of 2011

Every year as we creep closer to the Holidays I focus my lens of thought beyond Christmas and onto the start of the new year. While everyone else in the world is busy having dreams of a wonderful Christmas, I’m reflecting on the year that is about to conclude. I like to compare and contrast my life and take a second remember where I was a year ago and where I want to be a year from now. It’s funny how New Years is such a clear time marker in my life. There are other important days of the year that I could stop to think about then and now, but it’s always New Years. There are never deep philosophical thoughts surrounding any other day in the year, it’s just this time of the year that does it to me. It’s a combination of the leftover thought processes of Thanksgiving and what I am “thankful for” and the sentimentality that is Christmas time. So in honor of this time of the year and my focused lens on New Years I present you with the best changes in my life that occurred in 2011.


1. My apartment. I know, not a very “deep” way to start the list, but let me explain. This time last year I was living in the worst apartment possible. It was tiny, dirty, and in a sketchy area. I hated being at home. I hated trying to study with the sounds of red neck drug addict neighbors seeping through the walls. I hated waking up in that place. I hated it. Thank goodness, this summer I was presented with the opportunity to move into a better place. It’s close to campus, it’s close to downtown, and it’s perfect for me. The previous tenants were my very good friend Rachele and her husband Matt so the transition into the apartment was smooth and painless (thanks to help from a certain minion and mini minion). From the day I moved in, until right now, this apartment has become one of my favorite places to be in the world. It’s small and simple and perfect for me. It’s the first apartment I always wanted. I feel happy here and the entrance being surrounded by Cedar trees makes me feel secure. I have no idea how long my life will be in this apartment, but I’m loving the seconds I spend here. The change of apartments was definitely one of the best things that occurred this year and helped shape events that followed the move.

2. When this year started I felt really lonely. I was about to lose a lot of classmates when graduation was said and done last year. However, a lot of those “classmates” meant more to me than I can ever explain. They were the last of the people that I had met my first year here, my last connection to that experience of being a freshmen at college for the first time. So, with those people gone from my day to day life I wasn’t sure how this year was going to go. I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel as connected to this place as I did before all those people left. I knew I had some amazing friends to come back to (I’ll get to that later), but I just couldn’t imagine my life as a Laker without those people. But, one of the biggest elements of college is that cycle of meeting people, sharing experiences, and then saying goodbye. That’s how you filter out the real friends, if you still have a connection with them after the inevitable goodbye. Some of the people I said “goodbye” to are still in my life. We still talk and catch up and I still store a little piece of them in the middle of my heart. But distance is the most evil thing in the world when you love and miss someone and it’s the distance that makes you lonely. But, I’m not lonely. I met new people. I made new connections. Some connections stronger than I had with the people I lost. This year my classes presented me with new faces, new personalities, and new possibilities for connections. Usually I avoid using names in these things, but Brian, you are one of those people my classes allowed me to meet and I thank the universe for that. Your personality is the perfect compliment to mine and all the laughter we’ve shared has made this semester bearable in times I thought I’d sink. You’re like a brother to me and you know how important “brothers” are to me. That same class also presented me with another person that was a safety net for me. Dillon, my little Babyface. Sometimes you pissed me off so much I wanted to punch you and other time just making eye contact with you helped me function. There were those moments where things got too heavy for me and I was on the brink of madness, but that’s when you’d catch my eye and bring me back down to Earth. You have the innate ability to ground me to Earth when I’m two steps away from blasting off. Thanks for keeping me here on my home planet. You have a beautiful heart. And, finally, to the two girls I knew before this year, but never knew meant so much to me until now. In alphabetical order, Allie and Billie. Allie, you’ve also been a life saver, and a pillar to lean on in moments of weakness. I feel like I know you better now than I ever have and I am so happy about that. Not only are you funny, smart, and gorgeous, you’re a beautiful soul. Billie, oh Billie, I’ve had so many classes with you, and worked in so many com groups with you, but the other day walking out of class I was struck with this heavy sadness knowing my class time with you has ended after this semester. You’ve been such a bright spot in all my classes, you’re so adorably funny, amazingly smart, and just so freaking beautiful. It’s been a pleasure being a com major with you.

3. The minions. Yeah, you guys, I know you’re reading this. You’ve been one of the best changes in my life, not just this year. It was sometime in late 2010 that I finally turned around and we haven’t looked back since. You guys have been two of the best friends I have ever made. We’ve shared so many experiences together and the ones we didn’t actually experience with each other we’ve shared so openly it feels as if we were there when it happened. I love you guys so much that love doesn’t even seem like a strong enough word to use here. Sometimes you drive me crazy, sometimes I want to run you over with my car, and sometimes you make me so happy my face hurts from smiling. Our friendship is real. It’s not perfect and there are some things we will never agree on. But what we can agree on is that we love laker hockey and we laker love each other.

4. If I look back to early 2011 there is one change that stands out amongst the blur that was my life between Christmas break and the end of Spring semester was. Ok, maybe it wasn’t a change per say, but it was an experience and a connection that means the world to me. I’m talking about my connection with Chewy and his family. I got to watch Chewy play for my lakers for four years but then I had to say goodbye. I had to be here and be a fan without him on the ice and that scared the hell out of me. Then, you top the loss of him from the ice with the loss of his family from the stands and I felt lost. I was blessed in 2011 to form and solidify such an amazing connection to #23 and his family. I didn’t just look forward to seeing Chewy on the ice, I looked forward to seeing his Mom and girlfriend in the lobby. Chewy’s Mom is the best connection I’ve ever made through this hockey team. She was always so kind and so full of love and her spirit was something I cherished having in my life. Graduation took these people from my “weekend to weekend” life but they didn’t leave. I still hear from my old Captain every once in a while and it means the world to me and though I don’t talk to Sue much, I hope she knows I think of her every weekend and she’s always at the games, because I carry her and her family with me in my heart.

5. Finally, the best change in 2011. The boys. Not, not my nephews, the other ones. My Laker boys. This team is on fire this year. This has been the best year at the Taffy I have ever had. The end of last year’s season in early 2011 was a blast, first round playoff victory over the Buckeyes is my favorite hockey memory ever, and I once met Sean Avery at a hockey game. Of course, it all ended second round against Notre Dame and then I had to say goodbye to 7 guys I’ve loved watching for 4 years. But we all moved on and in October this season started, and all of a sudden things started falling into place. The boys started playing the hockey I knew they could play, they were being the players I believed they could be, and the freshmen class came in with the right drive and talent. We’ve beat teams no one (but me) ever thought we would and we’ve shown the CCHA what Laker Hockey is all about. There have at times been moments of weakness, a rough defeat, but the boys have always bounced back. I am so very proud of this team and everything they are doing. I am so very happy to be a fan of this team and be able to experience what this year has been for my boys and my school. If they continue to play the way they have been this season, continue to be the team I always believed they could, then there is nothing stopping them from heading to Detroit and taking home the last CCHA championship ever.



I’m sure there are a million more amazing things that have happened to me this year. I know I’ve experienced countless changes because that’s what life is for a 20 something girl, a series of changes leading into a sense of permanence. However, these changes, these people, they’re the ones that stood out. The safety of my apartment, the new friends that have changed my life for the better, and the experience that was Rick Schofield and his family. I’m sure all the changes that occurred in 2011 that I’ve loved so much will continue shift and mold in 2012. So here’s to the past and the moments that last and here’s to the future and the experiences I endure. I Laker Love you all. 

My (10) Greatest Bands/Artists

I, like many American’s suffer from an addiction, an addiction to Vh1’s (100) greatest… shows. This past weekend I got sucked into the 100 greatest artists. While watching the show I did what any normal viewer would do. When I wasn’t screaming at the screen in outrage of the ranking I was yelling out “Oh my GOD I LOVE THEM!” So during the hour long drive between my parents house and my apartment in the Soo, I compiled a list of my top 10. However, I realized that one can’t just state a list. No, the best part of these shows is when people talk about how amazing the artists are and play little clips from their popular songs. So, here for you is my list, my reasoning, and my favorite song by that artist. I would be thrilled to see your list. Send it my way and we’ll talk.

Drum roll please!

Honorable Mention: 11-20
11. Bob Marley
12. Pink Floyd
13. Dr. Dre
14. Stevie Nicks
15. Ozzy Osbourne
16. Aretha Franklin
17. Joni Mitchell
18. The Doors (Jim Morrison)
19. Queen
20. The Beach Boys

Bigger drum roll please!


Countdown Style 10-1.

10. Pink
Now, wait. I know what you’re thinking. Pink? Really? My answer is YES. Here’s the deal. The people that question me don’t know Pink. They don’t know she’s got one hell of a back story. A tale of survival despite hardship, she’s truly inspiring on that front. Then, there’s the career. Every single album she has dropped has been different. She started off R&B, went off into the “Pop-Punk,” world, veered off into Rock, and along the way has peppered it with beautiful singer/song writer gems. She’s been around for over a decade and is a world wide sensation. But, beyond allllll that stuff. There is her voice. When you hear Pink you know it’s Pink. That roughly polished sound that few singers can ever get away with. Her voice can pump you up or bring you down. Her music can get your ready for a party or help you recover from a break up. I love Pink because of everything she is, does, and stands for. (And she’s super hot too!)



The Song: Sober. Oh, my. Just so much love for this song. I think it’s safe to say most girls will have had a moment over this song. God knows I have. That what Pink does, she hits that emotion button and you get forced to ride through the wave of emotions until the song is over.

9.Eminem
Word. No, seriously. Eminem is the word, a truth in his own right. A white boy from Michigan that changed the face of rap music, he threw rap music onto the top 40 charts, spoke his mind the whole way, and came out of it all sober. Woah, just woah! Now, I used to have some serious issues with Em and some of his lyrical expressions. But here’s the deal. It’s the right to free speech and his whole act with Elton John kinda took the movement out of the whole Eminem is anti gay thing. He woke up a generation. My generation and exposed us to truth and reality and the nature of the human beast. He’s become a positive role model in the end through his path to sobriety and is a home state hero in a lot of ways. He changed up the whole music scene and I’ve got mad respect for anyone with the balls to change an industry and to stay real the whole way through.


This Eminem song needs no justification. Everybody loves it and if they don’t they clearly aren’t getting the proper blood supply to their brain.


8. Hanson
I know. Totally random, from Pink, to Eminem, to Hanson. That’s just how I do. So anybody that’s ever met me knows I have a deep seeded love for Hanson. It all starts back in 97’ … yeah that’s right 90 freaking 7. It started with a song called “Mmbop,” but it goes on so much further than that. There’s been 5 albums. That’s the major release albums, not counting the live albums, the Christmas album, and the overseas releases. There three brothers who caught a break riding the wave of pop music in the 90’s with a catchy hook and famous hair. But, when “Mmbop” died down what was left? The fans, that’s what was left, and three brothers who love making music. So the Hanson train kept on rolling. Their music and their fans grew up with them and their records tell a story of music. Their music tells the story of my life. Anyone that judges the validity of Hanson’s music has never scratched the surface and looked into what they’ve been doing musically. They’ve grown. They took off for Africa and made a whole album about political and social issues. They started an international campaign called “The Walk,” and continue to put on sold out shows globally. Hanson is one of the few 90’s pop bands to have survived the decade, continue selling records, and maintain fans. You can laugh all you want but they have a legitimate stake in the world of music, open your ears and explore.



“Been There Before.” It’s like Hanson’s answer to “Give me the beat boys…” It’s one of those songs about music that actually works. It came out on their “The Walk,” album and filled my heart and soul with the roots of my musical experience. Hanson’s always “been there” for me and I feel sorry for the people that haven’t been on a musical ride with Hanson.

7. Neil Young
First of all, a big shout out and thank you goes to Canada for supplying the world with this talent. Neil Young is one of those muscians that seems to have been around forever. You see, he surfaces in 66 with Buffalo Springfield, goes on to become the Young in Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and then somewhere in that same time period he launches a solo career. Only a talent like Neil Young could bounce around the music industry like that and not fall flat on his face. No, that’s something Neil’s never done in his multi decade spanning career, he’s never failed to impress music lovers. His music has that politically driven edge that came out of the 1960’s coupled with his sheer poetic genius every song is a piece of art. He was relevant in the 60’s and 70’s and is still relevant today. He’s timeless.


Picking a Neil Young song, yeah like that was an easy task. So, I went with my all time favorite. The song I have bawled my eyes out to more times than I can count. It’s a bitter sweet sentiment from child to father. It was my Dad’s song to my Grandfather and it’s always been my song to my Dad.

6. John Fogerty
Now, for all you kids out there scratching your head wondering just who the hell John Fogerty is... I say FOR SHAME! But, for the sake of education, for those of you who don’t know John Fogerty is the voice by which you identify the music of Creedence Clearwater Revival (CCR). He’s also top selling solo recording artist as well. But, most know him best for his years in CCR, you know, the years before they sucked. His voice made that band. I mean sure, the lyrics, the melody, the freaking music was amazing, but it was all centered around that voice. That identifiable voice. Oh, and he pretty much wrote entire albums worth of music. You know those songs like: Proud Mary, Down on the Corner, Run Through the Jungle, and Have You Ever Seen the Rain. Yeah, that’s all John Fogerty. Those are timeless songs. Songs with a message that span the test of time. Kids my age and younger still get down to CCR and I firmly believe that’s all because of the genius that is John Fogerty.


Listen to the lyrics. This song came out in 69 and the words are still relevant in this country today. Music like this doesn’t just happen.

5. Jimi Hendrix
Do I even need to justify this one? Every once in a while a musician comes around that just changes everything. (The messed up thing is a lot of the musicians decided to show up in the 60’s and disappear before the 80’s) Hendrix was one of those musicians. When music fans talk about Hendrix they don’t talk about his lyrics, or his looks, or whatever, no, we talk about the guitar. Because that’s what Hendrix was, guitar. Dirty, sexy, raunchy, fluid, breath taking, fucking guitar. He did things with that instrument that no one had ever seen done before. He could make a guitar sing in a way no voice ever could (even though his voice is like candy to the ears). That’s the thing about Hendrix, if you really know his music it’s this weird fusion of rock, blues, jazz, soul, and the vibe of the 60’s. He wasn’t just guitar. He was everything. As far as I’m concerned he was the start of the panty dropper music, because if a chick isn’t dropping her panties when she hears some Hendrix, she’s just not worth it.


Have a little respect. Turn your volume up. Here’s my favorite Hendrix’s song…have you taken off your panties yet?


4. Janis Joplin
I was 15 when I discovered Janis Joplin. I don’t think I knew what soul was before I heard her sing. Oh Janis, Janis, Janis. First of all, talk about a woman with a life time of pain. It’s like she was born with the blues and heartache just followed her around. Janis knows pain and Janis will sing you through your pain. She’ll take that deep breath and start singing and the music will come from the depths of her soul out into the microphone and then it will creep into your ears and wrap it’s self around your organs. She is a part of that group of artist that gave the world so much in a small time. That group of artists that had it’s fill of the world long before the world had it’s fill of them. Oh Janis, Janis, Janis. Sing for me Janis. Sing for me.


Yeah, that’s live. As in for freaking real. That’s all I have to say about that.



3.Bob Dylan
I know that at this point you’re thinking. Wow, you have almost no love for music that began after 1975…and that’s pretty much true. Anyways, Bob Dylan, right. I never know whether to call him a musician or a poet…or both. He’s all those things and so much more. In many way’s he’s the anti star, the one who never wanted to be a legend. The asshole who pretty much broke Joni Mitchell’s heart. He’s Dylan. One of those artist that loses his first name because he’s become so legendary. He’s got his hits, the songs everybody knows, and then he has his hidden treasures. The ones that didn’t make it onto the radio, the songs only the fans know, and they’re all brilliant. You see, Dylan’s another one of those “voices.” I often wonder if he had emerged at anytime other than the 60’s if he would have been given the time of day. Maybe, in a quiet folk following, not the musical/poetic genius that he is recognized as today. He’s got a way with words and instrumental talent that just melds together and makes magic. If he’s not in the top 5 of any greatest artists list then the people making it have no clue what the hell they are talking about.

This is my favorite Dylan song. I’ve loved it since I was a kid, mostly because there is a line that mentions the girl having red hair. I’ve got an unlimited list of songs I love for Dylan, just like I do for every artist on this list. But, this one’s my fave.


2. John Lennon
I went back and forth on this one. Do I say “The Beatles,” or do I say John Lennon. Here’s the truth. If I messed up on this list it was not putting both Lennon and the Beatles in the top 10 list. Because they both deserve to be in the top 10 but this is my personal list and my love for John Lennon over shadows my love for The Beatles.  The Beatles were/are everything. But John Lennon was something more than everything, he was something. He had a message, a vision, and a voice. He gave the world music. Music it had never seen before. He gave the world his thoughts, thoughts no one else had the courage to say out loud when they most needed to be said. As an artist on my list Lennon made top 2 because of everything he was. He wasn’t just a musician. He was a force of nature. Someone I feel genuinely robbed of ever experiencing. I can’t imagine music today without The Beatles, and I can’t imagine The Beatles without John.


If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it.
-John Lennon



1.Paul Simon
There is a part of me that feels really, really, bad for the kid reading this that has no idea who Paul Simon is. For every kid like me who grew up on his music is a kid that lives the cold, deprived life, that is a lacking in Paul Simon. With Paul Simon it all began as a duo. He and his pal Art Garfunkel started off playing as “Tom and Jerry,” but eventually decided to keep it real and go as “Simon and Garfunkel” instead. But, no matter what the name, the driving musical force of this group was Paul Simon. The genius in Paul Simon can’t be pigeon holed like it can with some bands/artists. No, the genius of Paul Simon isn’t just lyrical, melodically, or visual. No, Paul Simon is all of those things all wrapped up in one sweet little package. He’s one of those emerging talents from the 60’s (are you beginning to see the trend?!) that provides us with music that is packaged perfectly with music and lyrics. His early work gives us works of art like “The Boxer,” or “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” songs not only rich in lyrics but in melody. Music that is so complete. His solo work is groundbreaking, legendary, stuff that only Paul Simon would ever be able to do. I keep saying genius over and over again because that is the only word I can come up with to even begin to describe Paul Simon. His career took off in 1965 and he just recently released an album in 2011. That’s a 46 year long career, with a tour ongoing. Artist like him aren’t just musicians. They’re prophets of the church of music. Amen brother, Amen.



Early Simon. Back when he was half of a duo. (The Better half)


Paul Simon solo…and doesn’t he just have the world’s sweetest speaking voice?

Behind the Glass: Laker Hockey

My position at the glass hasn’t changed much in four years. I’ve moved forward and closer but I’ve never once backed away. I’ve seen them all come and go; the players, the fans, the hopes, and the dreams.

 Every single second is an experience that can never be taken back. The memories I have standing behind the glass are some of the best ones I have made here at Lake State. All of the laughter and the excitement has seeped into my life and made it better. Many of my fellow students standing there supporting this team have become pillars in my life. People I feel like are there to cheer me on in my game of life. My Lake State family.

The players have become inspiration. The few chosen ones that I’ve been lucky enough to know beyond the number are the type of people that make your life richer. Richer because you’ve been able to meet people like them and their beautiful families. The boys that are a gift to the sport of hockey not just because of their talent but because of their dedication. Some of them destined to become household names, others just blessed with the Lake State Legacy they leave behind. But, each of them so talented, strong, and easy to believe in.

Every year I’ve had to say a goodbye. You get four years at best with most people, others even less, depending on your connection in the timeline of college. There’s the kid in the stands you can’t imagine being there without. There’s the player on the ice that you’ve watched every game and you can’t imagine the team without. There’s always that senior night that you cry over the lost opportunity of creating more memories. The night that’s full of bitter sweet tears overflowing with memories of victory, defeat, and every second in between. We all ride along for one last skate around the rink, one last step down from the stands, and one last song to say it all.

However, for some of us, it’s never over. We wait not so patiently for the start of the new season. We check rosters and learn new names. Sometimes we take a minute to miss the names missing, the ones moved on, but then we move on. We go to the games and we cheer for these new freshmen and are thrilled when they prove their skill and their worth of that oh so strong anchor. We create new memories like, “Do you remember the night Jean got that hat trick?!” and  “How packed was that place when we played MSU?!”

Every beginning to a new season is a chance. A chance for this team that we all love so much to go out on the ice and play the game we know they are capable of playing. It doesn’t matter the history of the team or the player, it’s a fresh start. We can revel in that moment that a player steps up and plays like pro. We can rejoice in the victory and create a new moment for Laker Hockey. I can turn around and see new faces behind the glass and just hope they stick around. We can glance at the score board and hold our breath together until the bell is rung.

My position at the glass hasn’t change in four years. However, this year, this new start feels different. The victories have been stronger, sweeter, and more frequent than I’ve ever seen. The players seem focused and the fans seemed inspired. However, I am so disappointed that things hadn’t gone this way last year. I loved that group of 7 players and would have loved to see them be a part of a season like this. But, as I said, they move on and so does the program. I’m not sure how this season will end but, I’m excited about every second. Hockey is truly a game of up and down, nothing is ever certain until the very end. But, I’ve stood there behind the glass and seen what this team can do. I’ve heard how loud the fans can be. I truly believe that this season will be one to remember…but then again, in my world they’ve all been season’s to remember.

Laker Love.

Communication and Locus of Control

I’ve never doubted the power of words. I was the fat girl growing up. I learned all too quickly the way other peoples words could affect me. I can just as easily be brought up with a compliment as I can be brought down by a fat joke. I run a fine line with communication. I love it, I study it, I live my life centered around it. But, because of that I put so much stock in communication with others that it can take over my life. I’m tainted. Every interaction I have with other people is over analyzed in my brain. Every second I spend with another person engaged in a conversation I am focused on what they are saying to me, what they are doing with their body as they say these things, what I think they are trying to say, and how I am going to respond to all of this when it’s my turn to talk. It makes for great conversation and great interactions but, it can be exhausting. The mental weight that every conversation I have creates this sense of anxiety that feels like the weight of the world. This gets even worse when the communication goes beyond the friendly level. When feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, and lust all get into the conversation it gets even more complicated for me. You see, I have what shrinks like to call “an external locus of control.” Basically it means that everything that happens outside of myself directly effects the way I see myself. If I am in a room where people hate me then I see myself as a person worth of their hate. So that starts to spin out of control in those tricky conversations where the fate of my heart and self worth are all tied up in how this boy speaks to me and treats me. Its not often I feel very good about myself. It’s a direct product of being the fat girl, the ginger, the loud one, the weird one. I’ve developed this locus of control outside of myself that has over the years began to pick away at my skin like a tag in the collar of your shirt. I give off this air of confidence. I’ve developed a damn good mask over the years that I have been able to hide behind. My false air of control and confidence allows people to be more open around me but it also allows them to walk all over me the minute my confidence falters. I’ve been so frustrated with my interactions lately because it’s become so clear that I put my locus of control in the hands of the wrong people. I feel like I’m being used. I know I am being used. It’s a tricky feeling for a girl like me who depends so much on the acceptance and approval of other people to deal with the feeling of being used. On one hand I am happy to be used, happy to bend over backwards, because that makes me feel accepted. But on the other hand, I hate it, I hate being the girl that some boy can walk all over and play games with. I’ve developed a budding friendship with a boy because I was finally able to tell it to him straight and strike a balance between helping and being used. But once that situation settled down and I started to feel better about it, I walked into an identical situation. The only difference this time is that it’s a different boy and this boy I have a lot of complicated feeling about. It’s hard to not let the guy you like take advantage of your good nature. It’s impossible to say no to someone that you want to make happy, someone you want to spend time with. But what’s even more impossible is living with the feelings of guilt and anger that I have every time I walk away from him. I feel guilty because I am letting myself get played and angry at him for even treating me this way. But, if you look at my relationship history, it’s all the same, jerk guy taking control of me and using me, and then breaking my heart under the premise of my looks. So I wonder where to go from here? It’s hard to teach a old dog new tricks. Twenty three might not look that old to most, but I’m an old soul, and I’m tired of trying to change myself. I learned along time ago that my life was going to suck if I put all my sense of self worth in the way others see me. I also learned how hard it is to change something like that. You can change your hair color, lose weight, change your style, but you can’t change your basic mental state. So what I am to do? I don’t think there is an answer. You can’t tell me to stop letting him walk all over me because I can’t. You can’t tell me he’s not worth it and there is someone better out there because right now he is the be all end all to me and I know my life and my prospects and there isn’t much going on outside of him. I guess the only logical solution comes back to communication. I should tell him how I feel about him and about the situations he puts me in. But communication is hard and that “talk” is one that I’ve had more than once in my life and been burned, badly, every single time. But there is no solution that can be found without communication. So now it’s back to the textbooks, class notes, and personal experience because somewhere in my knowledge of this field is a way to approach the situation. Now, if only I could come up with the guts to even go there.