The best of 2011

Every year as we creep closer to the Holidays I focus my lens of thought beyond Christmas and onto the start of the new year. While everyone else in the world is busy having dreams of a wonderful Christmas, I’m reflecting on the year that is about to conclude. I like to compare and contrast my life and take a second remember where I was a year ago and where I want to be a year from now. It’s funny how New Years is such a clear time marker in my life. There are other important days of the year that I could stop to think about then and now, but it’s always New Years. There are never deep philosophical thoughts surrounding any other day in the year, it’s just this time of the year that does it to me. It’s a combination of the leftover thought processes of Thanksgiving and what I am “thankful for” and the sentimentality that is Christmas time. So in honor of this time of the year and my focused lens on New Years I present you with the best changes in my life that occurred in 2011.


1. My apartment. I know, not a very “deep” way to start the list, but let me explain. This time last year I was living in the worst apartment possible. It was tiny, dirty, and in a sketchy area. I hated being at home. I hated trying to study with the sounds of red neck drug addict neighbors seeping through the walls. I hated waking up in that place. I hated it. Thank goodness, this summer I was presented with the opportunity to move into a better place. It’s close to campus, it’s close to downtown, and it’s perfect for me. The previous tenants were my very good friend Rachele and her husband Matt so the transition into the apartment was smooth and painless (thanks to help from a certain minion and mini minion). From the day I moved in, until right now, this apartment has become one of my favorite places to be in the world. It’s small and simple and perfect for me. It’s the first apartment I always wanted. I feel happy here and the entrance being surrounded by Cedar trees makes me feel secure. I have no idea how long my life will be in this apartment, but I’m loving the seconds I spend here. The change of apartments was definitely one of the best things that occurred this year and helped shape events that followed the move.

2. When this year started I felt really lonely. I was about to lose a lot of classmates when graduation was said and done last year. However, a lot of those “classmates” meant more to me than I can ever explain. They were the last of the people that I had met my first year here, my last connection to that experience of being a freshmen at college for the first time. So, with those people gone from my day to day life I wasn’t sure how this year was going to go. I wasn’t sure that I would ever feel as connected to this place as I did before all those people left. I knew I had some amazing friends to come back to (I’ll get to that later), but I just couldn’t imagine my life as a Laker without those people. But, one of the biggest elements of college is that cycle of meeting people, sharing experiences, and then saying goodbye. That’s how you filter out the real friends, if you still have a connection with them after the inevitable goodbye. Some of the people I said “goodbye” to are still in my life. We still talk and catch up and I still store a little piece of them in the middle of my heart. But distance is the most evil thing in the world when you love and miss someone and it’s the distance that makes you lonely. But, I’m not lonely. I met new people. I made new connections. Some connections stronger than I had with the people I lost. This year my classes presented me with new faces, new personalities, and new possibilities for connections. Usually I avoid using names in these things, but Brian, you are one of those people my classes allowed me to meet and I thank the universe for that. Your personality is the perfect compliment to mine and all the laughter we’ve shared has made this semester bearable in times I thought I’d sink. You’re like a brother to me and you know how important “brothers” are to me. That same class also presented me with another person that was a safety net for me. Dillon, my little Babyface. Sometimes you pissed me off so much I wanted to punch you and other time just making eye contact with you helped me function. There were those moments where things got too heavy for me and I was on the brink of madness, but that’s when you’d catch my eye and bring me back down to Earth. You have the innate ability to ground me to Earth when I’m two steps away from blasting off. Thanks for keeping me here on my home planet. You have a beautiful heart. And, finally, to the two girls I knew before this year, but never knew meant so much to me until now. In alphabetical order, Allie and Billie. Allie, you’ve also been a life saver, and a pillar to lean on in moments of weakness. I feel like I know you better now than I ever have and I am so happy about that. Not only are you funny, smart, and gorgeous, you’re a beautiful soul. Billie, oh Billie, I’ve had so many classes with you, and worked in so many com groups with you, but the other day walking out of class I was struck with this heavy sadness knowing my class time with you has ended after this semester. You’ve been such a bright spot in all my classes, you’re so adorably funny, amazingly smart, and just so freaking beautiful. It’s been a pleasure being a com major with you.

3. The minions. Yeah, you guys, I know you’re reading this. You’ve been one of the best changes in my life, not just this year. It was sometime in late 2010 that I finally turned around and we haven’t looked back since. You guys have been two of the best friends I have ever made. We’ve shared so many experiences together and the ones we didn’t actually experience with each other we’ve shared so openly it feels as if we were there when it happened. I love you guys so much that love doesn’t even seem like a strong enough word to use here. Sometimes you drive me crazy, sometimes I want to run you over with my car, and sometimes you make me so happy my face hurts from smiling. Our friendship is real. It’s not perfect and there are some things we will never agree on. But what we can agree on is that we love laker hockey and we laker love each other.

4. If I look back to early 2011 there is one change that stands out amongst the blur that was my life between Christmas break and the end of Spring semester was. Ok, maybe it wasn’t a change per say, but it was an experience and a connection that means the world to me. I’m talking about my connection with Chewy and his family. I got to watch Chewy play for my lakers for four years but then I had to say goodbye. I had to be here and be a fan without him on the ice and that scared the hell out of me. Then, you top the loss of him from the ice with the loss of his family from the stands and I felt lost. I was blessed in 2011 to form and solidify such an amazing connection to #23 and his family. I didn’t just look forward to seeing Chewy on the ice, I looked forward to seeing his Mom and girlfriend in the lobby. Chewy’s Mom is the best connection I’ve ever made through this hockey team. She was always so kind and so full of love and her spirit was something I cherished having in my life. Graduation took these people from my “weekend to weekend” life but they didn’t leave. I still hear from my old Captain every once in a while and it means the world to me and though I don’t talk to Sue much, I hope she knows I think of her every weekend and she’s always at the games, because I carry her and her family with me in my heart.

5. Finally, the best change in 2011. The boys. Not, not my nephews, the other ones. My Laker boys. This team is on fire this year. This has been the best year at the Taffy I have ever had. The end of last year’s season in early 2011 was a blast, first round playoff victory over the Buckeyes is my favorite hockey memory ever, and I once met Sean Avery at a hockey game. Of course, it all ended second round against Notre Dame and then I had to say goodbye to 7 guys I’ve loved watching for 4 years. But we all moved on and in October this season started, and all of a sudden things started falling into place. The boys started playing the hockey I knew they could play, they were being the players I believed they could be, and the freshmen class came in with the right drive and talent. We’ve beat teams no one (but me) ever thought we would and we’ve shown the CCHA what Laker Hockey is all about. There have at times been moments of weakness, a rough defeat, but the boys have always bounced back. I am so very proud of this team and everything they are doing. I am so very happy to be a fan of this team and be able to experience what this year has been for my boys and my school. If they continue to play the way they have been this season, continue to be the team I always believed they could, then there is nothing stopping them from heading to Detroit and taking home the last CCHA championship ever.



I’m sure there are a million more amazing things that have happened to me this year. I know I’ve experienced countless changes because that’s what life is for a 20 something girl, a series of changes leading into a sense of permanence. However, these changes, these people, they’re the ones that stood out. The safety of my apartment, the new friends that have changed my life for the better, and the experience that was Rick Schofield and his family. I’m sure all the changes that occurred in 2011 that I’ve loved so much will continue shift and mold in 2012. So here’s to the past and the moments that last and here’s to the future and the experiences I endure. I Laker Love you all. 

My (10) Greatest Bands/Artists

I, like many American’s suffer from an addiction, an addiction to Vh1’s (100) greatest… shows. This past weekend I got sucked into the 100 greatest artists. While watching the show I did what any normal viewer would do. When I wasn’t screaming at the screen in outrage of the ranking I was yelling out “Oh my GOD I LOVE THEM!” So during the hour long drive between my parents house and my apartment in the Soo, I compiled a list of my top 10. However, I realized that one can’t just state a list. No, the best part of these shows is when people talk about how amazing the artists are and play little clips from their popular songs. So, here for you is my list, my reasoning, and my favorite song by that artist. I would be thrilled to see your list. Send it my way and we’ll talk.

Drum roll please!

Honorable Mention: 11-20
11. Bob Marley
12. Pink Floyd
13. Dr. Dre
14. Stevie Nicks
15. Ozzy Osbourne
16. Aretha Franklin
17. Joni Mitchell
18. The Doors (Jim Morrison)
19. Queen
20. The Beach Boys

Bigger drum roll please!


Countdown Style 10-1.

10. Pink
Now, wait. I know what you’re thinking. Pink? Really? My answer is YES. Here’s the deal. The people that question me don’t know Pink. They don’t know she’s got one hell of a back story. A tale of survival despite hardship, she’s truly inspiring on that front. Then, there’s the career. Every single album she has dropped has been different. She started off R&B, went off into the “Pop-Punk,” world, veered off into Rock, and along the way has peppered it with beautiful singer/song writer gems. She’s been around for over a decade and is a world wide sensation. But, beyond allllll that stuff. There is her voice. When you hear Pink you know it’s Pink. That roughly polished sound that few singers can ever get away with. Her voice can pump you up or bring you down. Her music can get your ready for a party or help you recover from a break up. I love Pink because of everything she is, does, and stands for. (And she’s super hot too!)



The Song: Sober. Oh, my. Just so much love for this song. I think it’s safe to say most girls will have had a moment over this song. God knows I have. That what Pink does, she hits that emotion button and you get forced to ride through the wave of emotions until the song is over.

9.Eminem
Word. No, seriously. Eminem is the word, a truth in his own right. A white boy from Michigan that changed the face of rap music, he threw rap music onto the top 40 charts, spoke his mind the whole way, and came out of it all sober. Woah, just woah! Now, I used to have some serious issues with Em and some of his lyrical expressions. But here’s the deal. It’s the right to free speech and his whole act with Elton John kinda took the movement out of the whole Eminem is anti gay thing. He woke up a generation. My generation and exposed us to truth and reality and the nature of the human beast. He’s become a positive role model in the end through his path to sobriety and is a home state hero in a lot of ways. He changed up the whole music scene and I’ve got mad respect for anyone with the balls to change an industry and to stay real the whole way through.


This Eminem song needs no justification. Everybody loves it and if they don’t they clearly aren’t getting the proper blood supply to their brain.


8. Hanson
I know. Totally random, from Pink, to Eminem, to Hanson. That’s just how I do. So anybody that’s ever met me knows I have a deep seeded love for Hanson. It all starts back in 97’ … yeah that’s right 90 freaking 7. It started with a song called “Mmbop,” but it goes on so much further than that. There’s been 5 albums. That’s the major release albums, not counting the live albums, the Christmas album, and the overseas releases. There three brothers who caught a break riding the wave of pop music in the 90’s with a catchy hook and famous hair. But, when “Mmbop” died down what was left? The fans, that’s what was left, and three brothers who love making music. So the Hanson train kept on rolling. Their music and their fans grew up with them and their records tell a story of music. Their music tells the story of my life. Anyone that judges the validity of Hanson’s music has never scratched the surface and looked into what they’ve been doing musically. They’ve grown. They took off for Africa and made a whole album about political and social issues. They started an international campaign called “The Walk,” and continue to put on sold out shows globally. Hanson is one of the few 90’s pop bands to have survived the decade, continue selling records, and maintain fans. You can laugh all you want but they have a legitimate stake in the world of music, open your ears and explore.



“Been There Before.” It’s like Hanson’s answer to “Give me the beat boys…” It’s one of those songs about music that actually works. It came out on their “The Walk,” album and filled my heart and soul with the roots of my musical experience. Hanson’s always “been there” for me and I feel sorry for the people that haven’t been on a musical ride with Hanson.

7. Neil Young
First of all, a big shout out and thank you goes to Canada for supplying the world with this talent. Neil Young is one of those muscians that seems to have been around forever. You see, he surfaces in 66 with Buffalo Springfield, goes on to become the Young in Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and then somewhere in that same time period he launches a solo career. Only a talent like Neil Young could bounce around the music industry like that and not fall flat on his face. No, that’s something Neil’s never done in his multi decade spanning career, he’s never failed to impress music lovers. His music has that politically driven edge that came out of the 1960’s coupled with his sheer poetic genius every song is a piece of art. He was relevant in the 60’s and 70’s and is still relevant today. He’s timeless.


Picking a Neil Young song, yeah like that was an easy task. So, I went with my all time favorite. The song I have bawled my eyes out to more times than I can count. It’s a bitter sweet sentiment from child to father. It was my Dad’s song to my Grandfather and it’s always been my song to my Dad.

6. John Fogerty
Now, for all you kids out there scratching your head wondering just who the hell John Fogerty is... I say FOR SHAME! But, for the sake of education, for those of you who don’t know John Fogerty is the voice by which you identify the music of Creedence Clearwater Revival (CCR). He’s also top selling solo recording artist as well. But, most know him best for his years in CCR, you know, the years before they sucked. His voice made that band. I mean sure, the lyrics, the melody, the freaking music was amazing, but it was all centered around that voice. That identifiable voice. Oh, and he pretty much wrote entire albums worth of music. You know those songs like: Proud Mary, Down on the Corner, Run Through the Jungle, and Have You Ever Seen the Rain. Yeah, that’s all John Fogerty. Those are timeless songs. Songs with a message that span the test of time. Kids my age and younger still get down to CCR and I firmly believe that’s all because of the genius that is John Fogerty.


Listen to the lyrics. This song came out in 69 and the words are still relevant in this country today. Music like this doesn’t just happen.

5. Jimi Hendrix
Do I even need to justify this one? Every once in a while a musician comes around that just changes everything. (The messed up thing is a lot of the musicians decided to show up in the 60’s and disappear before the 80’s) Hendrix was one of those musicians. When music fans talk about Hendrix they don’t talk about his lyrics, or his looks, or whatever, no, we talk about the guitar. Because that’s what Hendrix was, guitar. Dirty, sexy, raunchy, fluid, breath taking, fucking guitar. He did things with that instrument that no one had ever seen done before. He could make a guitar sing in a way no voice ever could (even though his voice is like candy to the ears). That’s the thing about Hendrix, if you really know his music it’s this weird fusion of rock, blues, jazz, soul, and the vibe of the 60’s. He wasn’t just guitar. He was everything. As far as I’m concerned he was the start of the panty dropper music, because if a chick isn’t dropping her panties when she hears some Hendrix, she’s just not worth it.


Have a little respect. Turn your volume up. Here’s my favorite Hendrix’s song…have you taken off your panties yet?


4. Janis Joplin
I was 15 when I discovered Janis Joplin. I don’t think I knew what soul was before I heard her sing. Oh Janis, Janis, Janis. First of all, talk about a woman with a life time of pain. It’s like she was born with the blues and heartache just followed her around. Janis knows pain and Janis will sing you through your pain. She’ll take that deep breath and start singing and the music will come from the depths of her soul out into the microphone and then it will creep into your ears and wrap it’s self around your organs. She is a part of that group of artist that gave the world so much in a small time. That group of artists that had it’s fill of the world long before the world had it’s fill of them. Oh Janis, Janis, Janis. Sing for me Janis. Sing for me.


Yeah, that’s live. As in for freaking real. That’s all I have to say about that.



3.Bob Dylan
I know that at this point you’re thinking. Wow, you have almost no love for music that began after 1975…and that’s pretty much true. Anyways, Bob Dylan, right. I never know whether to call him a musician or a poet…or both. He’s all those things and so much more. In many way’s he’s the anti star, the one who never wanted to be a legend. The asshole who pretty much broke Joni Mitchell’s heart. He’s Dylan. One of those artist that loses his first name because he’s become so legendary. He’s got his hits, the songs everybody knows, and then he has his hidden treasures. The ones that didn’t make it onto the radio, the songs only the fans know, and they’re all brilliant. You see, Dylan’s another one of those “voices.” I often wonder if he had emerged at anytime other than the 60’s if he would have been given the time of day. Maybe, in a quiet folk following, not the musical/poetic genius that he is recognized as today. He’s got a way with words and instrumental talent that just melds together and makes magic. If he’s not in the top 5 of any greatest artists list then the people making it have no clue what the hell they are talking about.

This is my favorite Dylan song. I’ve loved it since I was a kid, mostly because there is a line that mentions the girl having red hair. I’ve got an unlimited list of songs I love for Dylan, just like I do for every artist on this list. But, this one’s my fave.


2. John Lennon
I went back and forth on this one. Do I say “The Beatles,” or do I say John Lennon. Here’s the truth. If I messed up on this list it was not putting both Lennon and the Beatles in the top 10 list. Because they both deserve to be in the top 10 but this is my personal list and my love for John Lennon over shadows my love for The Beatles.  The Beatles were/are everything. But John Lennon was something more than everything, he was something. He had a message, a vision, and a voice. He gave the world music. Music it had never seen before. He gave the world his thoughts, thoughts no one else had the courage to say out loud when they most needed to be said. As an artist on my list Lennon made top 2 because of everything he was. He wasn’t just a musician. He was a force of nature. Someone I feel genuinely robbed of ever experiencing. I can’t imagine music today without The Beatles, and I can’t imagine The Beatles without John.


If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it.
-John Lennon



1.Paul Simon
There is a part of me that feels really, really, bad for the kid reading this that has no idea who Paul Simon is. For every kid like me who grew up on his music is a kid that lives the cold, deprived life, that is a lacking in Paul Simon. With Paul Simon it all began as a duo. He and his pal Art Garfunkel started off playing as “Tom and Jerry,” but eventually decided to keep it real and go as “Simon and Garfunkel” instead. But, no matter what the name, the driving musical force of this group was Paul Simon. The genius in Paul Simon can’t be pigeon holed like it can with some bands/artists. No, the genius of Paul Simon isn’t just lyrical, melodically, or visual. No, Paul Simon is all of those things all wrapped up in one sweet little package. He’s one of those emerging talents from the 60’s (are you beginning to see the trend?!) that provides us with music that is packaged perfectly with music and lyrics. His early work gives us works of art like “The Boxer,” or “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” songs not only rich in lyrics but in melody. Music that is so complete. His solo work is groundbreaking, legendary, stuff that only Paul Simon would ever be able to do. I keep saying genius over and over again because that is the only word I can come up with to even begin to describe Paul Simon. His career took off in 1965 and he just recently released an album in 2011. That’s a 46 year long career, with a tour ongoing. Artist like him aren’t just musicians. They’re prophets of the church of music. Amen brother, Amen.



Early Simon. Back when he was half of a duo. (The Better half)


Paul Simon solo…and doesn’t he just have the world’s sweetest speaking voice?

Behind the Glass: Laker Hockey

My position at the glass hasn’t changed much in four years. I’ve moved forward and closer but I’ve never once backed away. I’ve seen them all come and go; the players, the fans, the hopes, and the dreams.

 Every single second is an experience that can never be taken back. The memories I have standing behind the glass are some of the best ones I have made here at Lake State. All of the laughter and the excitement has seeped into my life and made it better. Many of my fellow students standing there supporting this team have become pillars in my life. People I feel like are there to cheer me on in my game of life. My Lake State family.

The players have become inspiration. The few chosen ones that I’ve been lucky enough to know beyond the number are the type of people that make your life richer. Richer because you’ve been able to meet people like them and their beautiful families. The boys that are a gift to the sport of hockey not just because of their talent but because of their dedication. Some of them destined to become household names, others just blessed with the Lake State Legacy they leave behind. But, each of them so talented, strong, and easy to believe in.

Every year I’ve had to say a goodbye. You get four years at best with most people, others even less, depending on your connection in the timeline of college. There’s the kid in the stands you can’t imagine being there without. There’s the player on the ice that you’ve watched every game and you can’t imagine the team without. There’s always that senior night that you cry over the lost opportunity of creating more memories. The night that’s full of bitter sweet tears overflowing with memories of victory, defeat, and every second in between. We all ride along for one last skate around the rink, one last step down from the stands, and one last song to say it all.

However, for some of us, it’s never over. We wait not so patiently for the start of the new season. We check rosters and learn new names. Sometimes we take a minute to miss the names missing, the ones moved on, but then we move on. We go to the games and we cheer for these new freshmen and are thrilled when they prove their skill and their worth of that oh so strong anchor. We create new memories like, “Do you remember the night Jean got that hat trick?!” and  “How packed was that place when we played MSU?!”

Every beginning to a new season is a chance. A chance for this team that we all love so much to go out on the ice and play the game we know they are capable of playing. It doesn’t matter the history of the team or the player, it’s a fresh start. We can revel in that moment that a player steps up and plays like pro. We can rejoice in the victory and create a new moment for Laker Hockey. I can turn around and see new faces behind the glass and just hope they stick around. We can glance at the score board and hold our breath together until the bell is rung.

My position at the glass hasn’t change in four years. However, this year, this new start feels different. The victories have been stronger, sweeter, and more frequent than I’ve ever seen. The players seem focused and the fans seemed inspired. However, I am so disappointed that things hadn’t gone this way last year. I loved that group of 7 players and would have loved to see them be a part of a season like this. But, as I said, they move on and so does the program. I’m not sure how this season will end but, I’m excited about every second. Hockey is truly a game of up and down, nothing is ever certain until the very end. But, I’ve stood there behind the glass and seen what this team can do. I’ve heard how loud the fans can be. I truly believe that this season will be one to remember…but then again, in my world they’ve all been season’s to remember.

Laker Love.

Communication and Locus of Control

I’ve never doubted the power of words. I was the fat girl growing up. I learned all too quickly the way other peoples words could affect me. I can just as easily be brought up with a compliment as I can be brought down by a fat joke. I run a fine line with communication. I love it, I study it, I live my life centered around it. But, because of that I put so much stock in communication with others that it can take over my life. I’m tainted. Every interaction I have with other people is over analyzed in my brain. Every second I spend with another person engaged in a conversation I am focused on what they are saying to me, what they are doing with their body as they say these things, what I think they are trying to say, and how I am going to respond to all of this when it’s my turn to talk. It makes for great conversation and great interactions but, it can be exhausting. The mental weight that every conversation I have creates this sense of anxiety that feels like the weight of the world. This gets even worse when the communication goes beyond the friendly level. When feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, and lust all get into the conversation it gets even more complicated for me. You see, I have what shrinks like to call “an external locus of control.” Basically it means that everything that happens outside of myself directly effects the way I see myself. If I am in a room where people hate me then I see myself as a person worth of their hate. So that starts to spin out of control in those tricky conversations where the fate of my heart and self worth are all tied up in how this boy speaks to me and treats me. Its not often I feel very good about myself. It’s a direct product of being the fat girl, the ginger, the loud one, the weird one. I’ve developed this locus of control outside of myself that has over the years began to pick away at my skin like a tag in the collar of your shirt. I give off this air of confidence. I’ve developed a damn good mask over the years that I have been able to hide behind. My false air of control and confidence allows people to be more open around me but it also allows them to walk all over me the minute my confidence falters. I’ve been so frustrated with my interactions lately because it’s become so clear that I put my locus of control in the hands of the wrong people. I feel like I’m being used. I know I am being used. It’s a tricky feeling for a girl like me who depends so much on the acceptance and approval of other people to deal with the feeling of being used. On one hand I am happy to be used, happy to bend over backwards, because that makes me feel accepted. But on the other hand, I hate it, I hate being the girl that some boy can walk all over and play games with. I’ve developed a budding friendship with a boy because I was finally able to tell it to him straight and strike a balance between helping and being used. But once that situation settled down and I started to feel better about it, I walked into an identical situation. The only difference this time is that it’s a different boy and this boy I have a lot of complicated feeling about. It’s hard to not let the guy you like take advantage of your good nature. It’s impossible to say no to someone that you want to make happy, someone you want to spend time with. But what’s even more impossible is living with the feelings of guilt and anger that I have every time I walk away from him. I feel guilty because I am letting myself get played and angry at him for even treating me this way. But, if you look at my relationship history, it’s all the same, jerk guy taking control of me and using me, and then breaking my heart under the premise of my looks. So I wonder where to go from here? It’s hard to teach a old dog new tricks. Twenty three might not look that old to most, but I’m an old soul, and I’m tired of trying to change myself. I learned along time ago that my life was going to suck if I put all my sense of self worth in the way others see me. I also learned how hard it is to change something like that. You can change your hair color, lose weight, change your style, but you can’t change your basic mental state. So what I am to do? I don’t think there is an answer. You can’t tell me to stop letting him walk all over me because I can’t. You can’t tell me he’s not worth it and there is someone better out there because right now he is the be all end all to me and I know my life and my prospects and there isn’t much going on outside of him. I guess the only logical solution comes back to communication. I should tell him how I feel about him and about the situations he puts me in. But communication is hard and that “talk” is one that I’ve had more than once in my life and been burned, badly, every single time. But there is no solution that can be found without communication. So now it’s back to the textbooks, class notes, and personal experience because somewhere in my knowledge of this field is a way to approach the situation. Now, if only I could come up with the guts to even go there. 

Reading hasn't always been a pleasure of mine. I remember quite vividly sitting at my dining room table with my parents when I was in 2^nd grade and them helping (and forcing me) to read a book that was 5^th grade level. My elementary school was doing a contest to see which grade could read the most books and the winning grade would win a pizza party and if the whole school met the goal our principle had to kiss a pig. Well, my grade didn’t win the pizza party, but we did get to watch Mrs. Putnam (amazing woman god rest her soul) kiss a pig. Back then reading was a chore. It was hard and the words were too big and let’s face it the English language is a damn confusing language to read. But, as I got older, reading got easier and I started to love it. I remember hiding under the covers with a flashlight reading the Sabrina the Teenage Witch series, I remember spending hours in the library to find just the right book for me to read. The summer before I started high school I did a lot of reading. I would stay up all night glued to a book. That’s the summer that I really found my passion for the written word. It’s also the summer I learned I could read entire books in a day if I really wanted to. Ever since then reading has become more than a hobby to me. It’s become a definitive aspect of who I am. There’s something magic that happens to me when I read a good book. My imagination runs wild, my boredom ceases to exist, and all the petty little problems fall away as I immerse myself into another world. I find that my speech and even my thoughts become more fluid. It’s as if I create an inner dialogue in my mind because I am so used to living inside the books. There is something so romantic about a girl and good book. We fall in love with it. We wrap ourselves up in it and it becomes our primary focus. There have been many cold lonely Michigan nights that I’ve survived simply because I had the warmth of a good book to take with me to bed. I firmly believe that my ability to write as well as my ability to communicate so clearly comes from the fact that I’ve always been a strong reader. Even when I didn’t want to be. I remember being forced to read books for classes in high school and hating them the whole way through. I think the first book I had to read in my high school career was To Kill A Mockingbird and I remember our teacher Ms. Ferris (another amazing woman) telling us to stick it out because it would “get good,” and it did and it is still one of the best books I have ever read.  I remember the tiring task of reading Lord of the Flies. I hated it, but I’m damn proud to put it on my list of books I’ve read. Pride and Prejudice please, I had better things to do in high school than to read that..but now I list it as one of my favorite books of all time. When reading was an assignment I hardly ever wanted to read. I can’t be forced into doing things. No matter how much I might actually enjoy doing it. But, when it’s on my own terms… everything changes. Just like Pride and Prejudice did when I reread it with and open mind. It’s been a long time since I was in high school. In college the reading assignments changed. It was all text books and research papers and my love for reading doesn’t stem that far. However, I have been known to thoroughly enjoy reading communication research papers. But, most of the reading I’ve come across as an assignment has been something of a struggle. Beyond the academic reading I’ve done since I got to Lake State I’ve been introduced to some amazing books. Passed along by friends in the hallways of dormitories like secrets and each one of them I’ve poured over with a passion that can only be compared to the way I approach Laker Hockey. Reading is a gift. Something most people take for granted. Today most kids, be they toddlers, elementary-high school, or even college kids pass up the chance to read because there more exciting things to do. But, if it wasn’t for my love of reading I would never have met a boy named Harry Potter, I would have never fallen in love with a vampire (it was just a phase I swear), I would have never competed in the hunger games. If it wasn’t for reading I wouldn’t know what the girl cried about when the thunder rolled, I would never know what being On the Road really meant. There are so many life lessons and adventures that I have gone on all while in the comfort of my own home. So, to my parents who forced me to read that book in 2^nd  grade, I say thank you. Thank you for pushing me to do something I thought was both impossible and a waste of time. Thank you for opening up my eyes to the magic that is the written word. And, to those of you who are fellow book lovers, I say you rock, you are my kind of people. The kind of people that have experienced more adventures, laughter, heartache, and excitement that most kids will ever find within a T.V. show or a video game. Long live the readers! Long live the written word!

Books I Laker Love <---click here! 

Change:to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone:

My generation has all but given up in a lot of ways. We were so fired up at one point back there in 2008 and we were sure that we had the power to take control of the future. We thought if we used our rights as Americans and put politicians into power that we believed in that the change this country so desperately needed would come to play. Moreover, we were sure that it was the beginning of our control. It was the beginning of my generation stepping into the world of American politics and we thought we could ride the wave into a bright new future. But that didn’t happen. We put into power people that we believed in only to have them trip and stumble over the mess that this country had become. It went from a surge of hope from our generation to a surge of power plays from others. The bright new hopeful future full of change and new beginnings was gone. We were back to the same game but with a new captain of the team. It didn’t take long for generations that had come before us to decide they needed to be back in power again. The white, upper class, straight, well educated males, seemed to all of the sudden decide that the future of America couldn’t be put in the hands of these mixed cultured, middle class, glsa, currently being educated college kids. No, in a matter of what felt like seconds the country became a clear us vs. them atmosphere. While we rallied for change and a new direction the tea party rallied to get the country “back.” But, back where? It always amazes me when people talk about how our founding fathers would roll in their graves if they knew what we’d become. Well America has come a long way baby and there are a lot of things we do everyday that would make our forefathers grimace. Me, openly expressing my opinion on political matters would shock many of the men that signed our Declaration of Independence. Hell, our close ties with England would probably make a few of the founding fathers just a little uneasy. We’ve come so far as a country; true, stumbling the whole way but we came from nothing to become the nation we are today. So when they say they want our country back I wonder just how far back they want to take us. Are they going to strip my right to vote? Bring back segregation? We have made leaps and bounds in our short time as a nation that countries that have been around since the dawn of time have been unable to do. But, I worry about just how far we can keep going. The passion in the country is dying. The fight for our country has somehow become the fight with our fellow country man. The lines have been drawn so deeply in the sand even the greatest of all waves can’t seem to wash it away. My generation has slowly become complacent. It’s a tricky thing for a generation to use it’s first wave of electoral power to elect one man, hundreds of new representatives, congress men/women, and a new progressive front only to have them stalled in doing the things we expected them to do because of Washington party politics. And, then to have those representative and congressmen/women booted out in the next election by a wave of people that have decided that the country could not be ran by the people that my generation so believed in. So we shrugged it off and we gave up. Because the fight is gone within most of us. I believe it’d be different if we could just decided what we are fighting for, but instead its more about who we are fighting with. The liberals vs. the conservatives, the democrats vs. the republicans, us vs. them. Many generations before us have found their voices in their early to mid 20’s and decided to use those voices to make a change. But, us, we used our rights as American’s to make a change and realized that change is impossible in a world where it’s all about the dollar signs and what it could mean for the party. We never rallied behind one unified cause and because of that our futures are now in the hands of people that, to be honest, will be dead before they can really see what the future of this country is. I’ve lost a lot of hope in this country. Hell, I’ve lost a lot of hope in myself since this all began years ago. But, with every change in the political climate there is room for a new revolution. In the 60’s where the political climate in the country was literally becoming deadly a movement began that established equal rights for Americans no matter the color of their skin. It had only been a short 40 years before that the 19^th amendment was added to the constitution stating that women’s right to vote shall not be denied by either the state or the country. It seems that within tricky political climates there is always one group that finds hope and clings to it as the fight their way towards their rights so clearly stated in the constitution but so clearly denied by our society. So that’s why I say that the most hope within this mess of a country really stands amongst the LGBT community. While we’ve been arguing over us vs. them they’ve been fighting for their rights and slowly but surely gaining them. For the first time in a long time the rights of LGBT people are the forefront of political discussion. The President himself is discussing these rights on national television and in fact doing away with DODT as he said he would so long ago when most members of my generation still believed that change would come. The LGBT community continues to battle in today’s world of cut throat politics to gain rights that it seems every American is inherently given but so often denied. That’s why even in the darkest of times in the country I can see a shining ray of hope radiating in the distance. While my generation starts to give up, and while the older generations cease to open up to the new world. One group of people in the country continue to fight for their rights. They continue to be more American that most of us because their freely use their rights handed down to us over generations. They assemble, they vote, they lobby, the fight, and they use their right to speech to light a fire in this dark time. That’s why the greatest amount of hope I have really is for the queer kids. They’ve got the future in their hands and they are doing something about it. They are fighting everyday to be granted rights that they should have never been denied. They are the shining light of hope and change in a country that has lost it’s grandeur. The road that lies ahead of us in the country is not going to be smooth. The road that lies ahead for LGBT is going to be even rockier. However, the pay off is going to be worth it in the end. Just ask women or African Americans it’s an amazing thing to live a reality that was once just a dream. So as I stumbled and fall along with the rest of America tangled up in the mess of politics I promise to do my best to push aside some of the mess and allow them come marching through. Marching through into the future of this country because no matter what the tea party says, in America there is no turning back, there is only moving forward. There is only progress. No matter how long and hard the road is to progress, we always seem to make it, and it’s thoughts like that, that keep me holding on. 

Missin' MySpace

I’m going to make a pretty heavy confession here. Sometimes.. I miss MYSPACE. I know. I know. I was there when the ship set sail and I jumped with the rats off the ship and onto SS Facebook. However, there are some days when I miss those little things myspace offered. I want to be able to bombard visitors to my page with a song that I really love or that says just the right thing. I don’t want them to thumb through my information to get to the music I like. I want to like HELLO THERE! THIS SONG F’IN ROCKS AND YOU SHOULD LIKE IT TOO! I also miss the html crap. You know, where you went out to some random site and found those corny quotes, lyrics, and glitter flashing things that said your name. You could post them all over your page. It was a kid with serious attention problems dream. Flashing things and music! OH! And then there was the ability to actually pimp out your profile. Backgrounds, borders, scrollbars, even the mouse icon could be changed on myspace. My boring facebook profile has gone through it’s “banner” stage and let’s be honest, most of those are really friggin lame. But, oh.. more than anything I miss the music. Not just the music on your personal profile, no the go to a profile of a band you love, look at their top 8 (sometimes I miss that too..top 8 lost a lot of friends over that..)…anyways you could look at a bands top 8 friends and there would be another band and then another band from that bands list and another and another and all of a sudden you have this new found love for 5 different bands/musicians and you’re telling all your friends (Chocolate Bear, I know you’re out there) and everyone has this new love for some dude who deserves fan a lot more than most of the people on the radio circuit. So, yeah. Sometimes, I miss myspace. Myspace started it all, it was the beginning of a social networking revolution, a com/marketing/pr nerd’s dream, and it had the music. The day I abandoned ship for myspace, the day the music died. (Not really but I like to end things dramatically.)  Oh and here is the song I am currently obsessed with: OneRepublic-Good Life. I hear it on the radio all the time and it was the song of the "X Games" coverage this year....

A Whale Warrior's Words

I find myself more than a little frustrated lately. I don't put my name on "causes" and fundraisers lightly. I'm not one of those "Sure! Put my name down and here take this 20 bucks and add it to the donations pile" kind of person. However, every once in a while something comes along that I give a flying fu..woah.."crap" about and I usually get a little intense. As of late I have been trying to raise money for Sea Shepherd and I've even had a few people question my reason for such action. I will be straight with you. I'm no vegetarian or animal rights activist. Yes, I eat meat. No, I don't wear fur. No, I am not a member of PETA and probably never will be. I've gutted, skinned, and cut up more white tailed dear than I can count. I've hooked, reeled in, cleaned, and cooked my fair share of fresh water fish. I was raised in a family that hunts and fishes for sustenance. I remember winters as a child where we were damn lucky to have had deer meat in the freezer to get us by. That, however does not mean that I am a hypocrite for raising money for an organization that spends it's time trying to stop commercial fishing, whaling, and other unnecessary and very illegal activities. My main focus when it comes to Sea Shepherd is their anti whaling program. Ever since I was a child I had a deep and profound fascination with these majestic mammals of the sea and have tried to do my part to protect them as their numbers dwindle. So, a few years ago when Whale Wars debuted on Animal Planet I was more than interested in finding out more about this organization. They are often referred to as Eco terrorists which is odd when you consider the real terror of the Antarctic expeditions is watching the Japanese kill whales for "scientific research." Bear with me here, this is where I get heavy. I have no issue with blue collar fishermen. Men and women spending their time out on boats fishing for whatever in order to sell it for profit to make a living for themselves and their families. What pisses me off is the people who are out there hunting endangered species. Animals with population numbers so low by the time my nephews grow up they may not even exist anymore. That's what pisses me off. Moreover, they are hunting these animals in an international whaling sanctuary. A safe haven, a place that these beautiful creatures are supposed to be swimming in peace. The Japanese say that this is all in the name of science and that they are killing these whales to collect information on stomach contents and to take tissue samples. However, they are doing this "research" with a self implemented quota. Taking the lives of anywhere from 50-150 whales of various species. Various endangered species...and then selling the meat, blubber, and bones for profit. This is what breaks my heart. I've always believed in hunting and fishing. It's the development of those skills that have allowed us to survive as a species. In my family we believe in Native American tradition. We believe that one must always give thanks for the life lost in order to sustain our lives. Prayers, offerings, and even tears have been shed over the body of beautiful animals who lost their lives for us. There is a morbid beauty within the tradition. I lose patience with sport fishers and hunters. The people that are out for trophies and disregard the integrity and beauty of all of the Creators creatures on this earth...But I find myself immersed in anger at the greedy men and women who take the lives of animals, of endangered animals for the sake of profit. So, in the Antarctic while the Japanese are raping and pillaging precious animals, Sea Shepherd is there to try and stop them with non violent acts. So, it was that anger and passion that fueled me to start raising money for the organization. I've been so desperately disappointed in my friends and family for their lack of support for me in raising money. It's not the lack of support for me that hurts my heart so much, it's the lack of support for this worthy cause. I'm not asking people to empty bank accounts. I'm not even asking them to empty their wallets. I am simply asking for them to help me raise my small goal of $200. I just want to be apart of the change that I wish to see in this world. A world where the endangered species list doesn't shrink because animals go completely extinct..but instead a world where the endangered list shrinks because the animals population grows. So I'm asking you, the person reading this right now to visit the link that I provided at the bottom of this blog to go and make a donation. I've been asking everyone to match my $5.00 donation, but a donation of any size will mean the world to me. All species on this planet are interconnected so by helping me help an organization that is dedicated to saving the lives of the oceans creatures you are really helping yourself and maybe..just maybe making the world a better place for generations to come. 



Oh, Great Spirit, we come to you with love and gratitude for all living things. 
We now pray especially for our relatives of the wilderness - the four- legged, 
the winged, those that live in the water, and those that crawl upon the land. 
Bless them that they might continue to live in freedom and enjoy their right 
to be wild. Fill our hearts with tolerance, appreciation and respect for all 
living things so that we all might live together in harmony and peace.
- Unknown
LINK TO MY FUNDRAISING PAGE!:
http://my.seashepherd.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=381&frsid=55


I'd also like to say a special thank you to my old friend (and fellow native girl) Ariel for being the first and so far only one to make a donation! It means more to me that you will ever know Ariel! 

Inside my actors studio

1. What is your favorite word?

eclectic 

2. What is your least favorite word?

Sorry

3. What turns you on?

Talent without ego

4. What turns you off?

Disrespect 

5. What sound do you love?

Skates on ice

6. What sound do you hate?

Too much bass in a passing car

7. What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

Well, I'm still studying to be in communication field. So I guess, if I wasn't working at communication as a degree and future profession...I would be working on getting a teaching degree. I've always wanted to teach.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Accounting. 

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

In just a momement the sorting hat will sort you into your houses. (admit it, once you realized what it said, you heard it in Mcgonagall's voice.)

Good Conversation

So. There is this site called Omegle.com where you can go and talk to random strangers in an IM sort of fashion. They have a video function but I've never used it. I've heard similar video chat sites referred to as "Penis Roulette" so I just stick with the IM feature. Every once in a while I skip on over to that site to see whats crackin in the world of strangers. Now, first you have to get past the stranger part and I mean STRANGers. Lot's of creepers on that site and with the anonymity feature built right in they can just go ahead and tell you they are horny right off the bat. Which is freaky. I get that you can't see my face..but really? That's the first thing you are going to say to me? You could at least buy me internet dinner first. However, you get past the weirdos and sometimes it can become really interesting. I met a "brain twin" of sorts on Omegle once and we ended up adding each other on facebook and still have a little chat once in a while. But, tonight. Something crazy happened. Now, I should first start off by saying one of my favorite things about Omegle chat is that I can be me the best me possible, without them actually seeing what I look like. Which, in lamens terms means, the person on the other side of the computer doesn't know I'm fat. So I can be me and be funny and witty and even a little poetic and the other person isn't judging me by my looks. So tonight, here I am about to give up because I've gone through 5 creepers and one keeper and got disconnected with the keeper by my internet. So I click connect one more time thinking hey, one last shot. And BAM! it was like just add water and instant conversation. We exchanged names and ages. No locations, and I had to clarify on my gender because of my name..but after that..it was pure stimulating communication. We talked about our majors in college..his psychology and my communication, we talked about dreams and how much I miss my brother. We talked about writing and he told me he was convinced I must be a good writer. I told him I had my moments of magic and I had my moments of fail. We talked about life and I dropped some gems of knowledge on him and he told me he was convinced I was cool. We talked about eye color and hair color and how cool it is that I am and red head. We just talked and talked until 2 hours had passed and we both had to move on to other things. I wish I had saved the conversation(a feature that the site has) but I think I hit the wrong button and the conversation was gone forever. We exchanged emails..I went the safe route and gave him the email that is under the name Penny Lane. Without my last name or my location or anything like that attached. I am excited to see what happens in the emails. Honestly, from a com major nerd standing. I mean it is just so interesting to me the way internet has impacted our communication. I revel in facebook for its ability to open the doors of communication on so many levels. I get why people hate on it and I get why people are obsessed with it but I'm simply impressed by it and addicted to being in contact with my friends no matter how far way they are. But Omegle is something so different. It's random strangers hiding behind the keyboard. No pictures, no screen names (The other person comes up as Stranger while yours say you..and the other person seees vise versa), and no expectations. Sure I mean a lot of people go there "looking for a good time" but I went there looking for good conversation and I go it. Moreover I get to be myself without labels   or pre conceived notions. So at the end of the night I can laugh at an inside joke I have with a boy named Logan about the Golden fleece and how the girl of your dreams might just be the poetic com major from michigan named Jordan or it could just be the best friend I remind you so much of.


Good conversation is just as stimulating as a big cup of black coffee..and just as hard to sleep after.

The People You Know

Every once in a while it's good to stop and take stock of your friends. Think about the keepers and maybe toss out a few downers. This isn't just something people do on facebook, its REAL. ;) So lately I've been doing a lot of thinking (ut oh). There are a lot of people who I thought would always be there, that are gone, and a lot of people I never expected to be "there" are indeed in the h-iz-ouse. So, in the spirit of appreciation, I dedicate this blog to the following people...(in no particular order of course!)




1. The girl that I hated in high school but now means the world to me. -You my dear are one of the most important people in my life. It's like once we graduated we decided to pull together because we were both off on the same path in two different directions. You've been there for so many long talks about the dramatics of my life. You make me laugh in a way that no one else does. You understand all my lame jokes about people that I don't like. (Mostly because we dislike a lot of the same people.) But more than anything you get me. In ways that most people don't. You're my chocolate bear and I luff you.




2. My guiding light. -My sister. My bess fren. You are the first person I turn to in almost every situation of my life. You get inside my mind and you comprehend the mess of it for me. You are the one I can have full conversations with..without saying a word. You are the mother of two of the most important people in my life and I (in all seriousness here) thank you for that. I would not be who I am, who I am becoming, and who I will be without you. If a tree falls in my forest, you're always around to hear it.




3. My minions. -All I had to do was turn around. Oh my goodness you girls are such a shining light in my life. When I am with you all I want to do is laugh because the happiness inside me is bursting. We have only really been friends for a short time, but we've made a lifetime of memories just in that time alone. I look forward to our adventures through life. You'll be the ones that walked in and never walked out. I laker love you oh so very much.




4. The Broster.- When I needed a brother most, there you were. Always. When it comes to words for everything that you mean to me, this com major fails. You are my steady, my constant, my always. I am truly blessed in this life to have picked you up along the way. I'll be there if you'll be there.


5. The one that made me laugh on a night I was sure I wouldn't. Oh my beautiful little photographer. You're another new addition to "the friend stock" this year and that pleases me. You constantly make me laugh. I mean constantly and laughter is one of the most important things you can ever give someone. I am truly rich in friendship because of you. You're there to make me laugh and there for me to send a random bitch fest text to. ...But, more than anything you'll always be the one that stood next to me on Senior night and helped me keep it together. I couldn't have done it without you and I hope I never have to. Who has two thumbs and loves you? This girl right here.




6. The last beautiful girl in the world. -You and me, we're not close. I know you, you know me, we post on facebook together and you always tell me I'm beautiful underneath all my pictures. You're the one that appreciates my hair color the way most people should. ;) But the truth is. YOU are the beautiful one. You're bubbly..yet fiesty personality, you're kind, warm, hilarious, and cute as a fucking button. Your post on my pictures make my day. I wish there were more people like you in the world...but you are truly one in a million.


7-?. You. -Yes, you reading this right now. Either you are curious enough, or legit want to know what this blog says and I hope you stuck around this far. You should know,  I love you too! If you didn't make the list I didn't forget about you. I just ran out of interest in doing this and decided to move on to something new. But you mean something to me. I shouldn't have to tell you that, but in case I do, I'll say it again. I love you. I Laker Love you (and that's a pretty big deal.)

Until the very end..

To be honest, I was a late bloomer into the wonderful world of Harry Potter. My first introduction to it was thanks to an amazing teacher who read the first book aloud to us in a quirky British accent. I do however, remember the first moment I picked up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and began to read it. I read the entire book in one day. My young middle school aged self was hooked from the first page. I had no idea at the time, but clutching that book in my hand, I was really holding on to a cultural phenomenon. The Harry Potter story is not just about a boy with magical powers. It is a coming to age story filled with messages of equality, of love, and the true magic of friendship. I cannot think of any other series of book that has impacted an entire generation such as Harry Potter. Twilight, maybe, there is a true following there, but in content, message, and film adaptations, it will never be was Harry Potter was...is. It feels as if it's been forever since I picked up that first book..forever since I heard they were making the series into movies (something I doubted would ever live up to the books, but has in so many ways)..forever since I was first introduced to a very magical boy and his special group of friends.  Harry Potter fans have been blessed with seven amazing books and eight incredible films. We have more than enough to hold on to as the end of the era arrives. I find myself sad that this chapter of Harry Potter is coming to a close but more than anything I find myself lucky. Lucky to have been apart of the first generation of kids to be introduced to this amazing story and moreover lucky to have the books safely kept on a book shelf so that I may pass them on someday to my nephews so that they too can be lost in the magical world of Hogwarts. I wonder now what the next stage of it will be. Pottermore? I think we're all waiting to see just how that turns out..but until then..I have my books, my movies, my memories, and a few Rupert Grint screen savers and just like "Jo" said Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.


Mischief managed.....for now ;)

Three Cheers(or beers) for New Beginnings!

My new place feels more like home to me than any place I have ever lived. The posters on the wall make it mine, but the feeling in my heart is what matters. I take cues from the things around me, signs I know the earth is sending me. The first night I was here as I rolled over in bed I caught a glimpse of the international bridge and I knew in that second everything was going to be O.K. I have a knack for fucking things up in life. If something can go wrong it usually does and it's usually due to my poor judgement and timing. But..when all else fails I've learned to point myself northward and dream. Look to the vast expanse that lies before me and think about everything I want to get out of this life and while I'm dreaming my heart rate slows, my breath returns to normal, and my cheeks dry. I feel as if something big is going to happen. Something to change me for the better. It could be another epic semester at school, the friends, education, and memories that I get from Lake State are really the only things I have to hold onto up here. However, secretly I hope it's a boy...I know, I know, how cliche' but I spent all winter alone and then summer shows up and I get this desperate shred of hope that I may just find someone so I never have to be alone through the winter again. But, no matter what comes to me in this new stage, in this new place, I'll be ready for it. That's the new me ready for anything and desperately hoping it comes.