Ends With You

 As with all blogs like this I have included an audio file for you to listen to because it makes it easier to follow and understand....also as always I love your comments and feedback! Laker Love!


Ends With You:

To tell him. To give a speech not for credit or glory, but for your heart. To hope that the smile he puts on your face doesn’t fade as you finish your conclusion. To take a chance that you just might be worthy of the love that pours from your soul so easily when you are amongst souls like his. Love, a strong word, a hurried word, infatuation more fitting, but not the word you’d use in your presentation. Desire, desire for the warmth radiating off him to cover you like your favorite blanket from your childhood. A split second, yes or no, victory or failure with no grey area. Mixed singles and confusion a thing of the past and then you’d know. But, no-- fear. Unbridled, all-consuming fear, a memory, a night in a car and being told that you were unworthy of love. A night spent crying on the steps, comforted by friends, knowing they’ll never understand, they try to say the right things, but it’s not their words you need. A quick glance behind you, eye contact, all else forgotten. Hello, I’ve been waiting for you. A sudden belief in fate, did the Creator finally send him after all this time? Were you meant to take six years because in that final year his soul would entangle in your. Did you just say that outloud? No, no, you typed in on a screen. That’s safe, maybe he won’t know it’s all about him. He already knows…he knows…he hasn’t ran…should you reach out. NO! NO! Don’t reach out, the burn, it’s still there from the last time. The scar, do they see it? No? You feel it. STOP! STOP! Don’t let this chance go, tell him, love him, no regrets. No, not love yet, adore him, you adore so well…admire him…BELIEVE in him. He’s not the team, he’s not a player, but he’s one that could be so much more than they ever were. What a passion without someone to share it with? Let them tell him, NO PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING! He can’t know until you’re ready. You’re ready, You’re not ready. You’ll never be ready. Make an excuse, text him, wait for the response, blush when you see his name. Blush when you see his face, blush when he says your name. Blush, you’re always blushing, everyone can see it! DAMNIT! More face paint, all day, every day, don’t let him see you. He thinks you’re crazy and loud and crazy. So crazy. He doesn’t know you’re quiet, poetic, broken, lost, hopeful, so hopeful, he gives you hope. Oh shit, it’s that feeling again, hope, a desire, anticipation. Don’t anticipate, you always get let down. Could he catch you? Is he strong enough. Yes, no, yes, maybe, fuck. Beer, another cigarette, another talk with your friends. They see it, but do they see what they want to see? Do they have the same hope for you. Hope is blind, you scratched it’s eyes out the night the boy told you you were too fat to be loved. Aha! There it is! That boy is still haunting you. You swore you let him go. Can you let him go? Could reciprocated love make you finally forget? They swear you are worthy. Are you? Do you want to be? Love’s not safe and you need quiet and safe at the end of the night. Safe, he makes you feel safe already, if you jump into the water will he throw you a line? Pull you in? Or watch you sink, sink like an anchor. NO! YOU REFUSE TO SINK! Look at you, you could have given up on so many things so many times but you never do. You’re a believer and a lover. BELIEVE in yourself. LOVE yourself. BELIEVE he could LOVE you. To tell him. To give a final speech with a proper introduction, body, and conclusion. A short simple speech that begins with “I” followed by “want to love” and ending with “you.” It always ends with you.