I can be pessimistic too.

Every once in a while I stumble across some quote on the internet that goes a little something like this:

Was your first thought is to agree with this? Maybe that person you feel emotionally invested in popped in your head and your heart. Did you feel butterflies or terror? Because, I’ve learned there is a fine line between the two. A very, very long time ago I took that chance. I sat in my car and I poured my heart out to the person that I loved. Long before I was a comm. major I still had the talents to present a good argument. I listed the reasons why I loved him and then I listed the reasons why he should love me. Then, finally I took all the excuses he could give me for why we should not be together and refuted them. But, there was one argument from him I never totally expected. I never really thought that the boy I had loved so much and had given everything to would turn me down simply because I’m what the world likes to call a fat girl. Little did I know that the emotions that I felt in the moments driving away from him would last for so long. There are still days when those emotions leak into my blood stream and like liquor in your system from a night of binge drinking, bring bile to the back of my throat and regret into my mind. So many boys have entered my life since that moment in the driveway. A few of them have stolen my heart and ran away with it but I’ve never once told another one how I felt. I’ve spent countless nights wondering how my life would be if I could just walk up to the person I feel so strongly about and say something like “I really dig you and I think we could be great together, you wanna maybe give it a shot and see what happens?” But, I won’t ever do it again. You see the trick to being a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve is to keep it slightly tucked in under the cuff. That way everyone can see it but nobody has easy access to it. There is no doubt in my mind that my fear of being shattered again has led me to miss out on life in more than one occasion but fear is the world’s most powerful motivator, or “demotivator” rather. It’s not really love that rules the world and don’t you dare let Hallmark tell you otherwise. There is safety in keeping your heart to yourself but joy in sharing it with someone else, but don’t ever let yourself blindly walk into a conversation where your heart is involved. Hindsight is 20-20 and my hindsight has taught me that the minute my heart becomes emotionally invested in someone else I can do one of two things, I can open my heart up and tell them and suffer the consequence, or I can keep quiet and live off of song lyrics, tea, and hopeless daydreaming. Because, here’s the real secret, people will let you down, but your daydreams, they never will.