(This started off as word vomit and turned into a bit of a poetry moment. If you want to listen along as I read it out loud click the play button on the player below. IT STARTS LOUD so don't get blown away. Also, I apologize for the sound quality, the mic on my computer isn't the greatest.)
You’re like a sickness. The winter cold that I just can’t shake. A lot like a tickle in the back of my throat that keeps me awake at night coughing. Tossing and turning praying for rest, but too miserable to grasp the peaceful serenity of sleep. Or, maybe that burning itch in my eyes that comes from staring at something too long. That odd pain that I can’t quite explain as I try to blink away the tears that welled up in my eyes. Suspended in a moment while my eyes desperately try to focus on something as my head spins from imbalance. You’re the sound of my alarm clock in the morning. A brazen reminder that I am alive to live another day, but that for the time being I’ve lost the peace that comes from being unaware. You’re an endless goodbye. The scratchy throat, red in the face, how am I going to make it through this emotion type of goodbye. The kind that leaves me restless for days. You’re like a night of binge drinking. Just like that girl wrote that poem said. You’re an endless memory of good times and rash decisions followed by the conversation in front of my bathroom mirror. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I tell myself I could handle just one more? You’re the cigarette in my hand that everybody says will someday destroy me. I inhale you anyways to curb the nagging need, but I fear I’ll never be able to put you down. You’re the rush of fear and adrenaline the moment before my face hits the ground. An unsettling preparation for the worst possible outcome that leaves me drained even if I don’t bruise. But, I always bruise. Dark purple and blue. Blue, just like your eyes, but not blue like the color of my soul. Not the blue that means happiness, dedication, belief, and love to me. But blue like lips in the dead of winter after they’ve kissed away warmth of life. You’re every little pain in life that I’ve learned to survive. You’re the moments that remind me that I’m really alive. You’re nothing I can’t handle.
I could be your final moments of the game. That feeling that rushes through your veins and tells you it’s do or die. That last shot suspended in motion while the world stops turning and your heart keeps beating. I could be a summer day. That force of nature that calls you out into the world and makes you realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side it’s a beautiful verdant field right underneath your feet. I could be the waves that lap against the boat. A comforting feeling of connection to something greater, but a challenge to withstand on a rough day. I could be your favorite movie. The one you know inside and out but never pass up the chance to see again. A story line that never grows old and that you compare everything else like it too. Or even better, I could be your favorite band. That one band that means more than all of the rest. The one that has the songs that always seem to fit your life and the album you turn to as a sense of identity. I could be your memory. The one that always makes you smile and fills your heart with the warm sensation of a genuine life experience. The one you remember on the days where life takes too much from you. I could be your home. The place where you lay your head. The safe haven you return to when life hands you the pains you remind me of. A cure for you winter cough. The soothing sensation that comes from resting tired eyes. Waking up to the sound of nothing with sunshine on your face. That lasting Hello that never leads to a goodbye. A tall glass of ice water sliding through your body after the alcohol has left you dry. That feeling in your lungs when all you breathe is fresh air. The feeling of victory when you catch something right before it hits the ground. The one to ice your bruises when life knocks you down. I could be a reminder that you are alive. I’m the one you can’t handle.
You’re like a sickness. The winter cold that I just can’t shake. A lot like a tickle in the back of my throat that keeps me awake at night coughing. Tossing and turning praying for rest, but too miserable to grasp the peaceful serenity of sleep. Or, maybe that burning itch in my eyes that comes from staring at something too long. That odd pain that I can’t quite explain as I try to blink away the tears that welled up in my eyes. Suspended in a moment while my eyes desperately try to focus on something as my head spins from imbalance. You’re the sound of my alarm clock in the morning. A brazen reminder that I am alive to live another day, but that for the time being I’ve lost the peace that comes from being unaware. You’re an endless goodbye. The scratchy throat, red in the face, how am I going to make it through this emotion type of goodbye. The kind that leaves me restless for days. You’re like a night of binge drinking. Just like that girl wrote that poem said. You’re an endless memory of good times and rash decisions followed by the conversation in front of my bathroom mirror. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I tell myself I could handle just one more? You’re the cigarette in my hand that everybody says will someday destroy me. I inhale you anyways to curb the nagging need, but I fear I’ll never be able to put you down. You’re the rush of fear and adrenaline the moment before my face hits the ground. An unsettling preparation for the worst possible outcome that leaves me drained even if I don’t bruise. But, I always bruise. Dark purple and blue. Blue, just like your eyes, but not blue like the color of my soul. Not the blue that means happiness, dedication, belief, and love to me. But blue like lips in the dead of winter after they’ve kissed away warmth of life. You’re every little pain in life that I’ve learned to survive. You’re the moments that remind me that I’m really alive. You’re nothing I can’t handle.
I could be your final moments of the game. That feeling that rushes through your veins and tells you it’s do or die. That last shot suspended in motion while the world stops turning and your heart keeps beating. I could be a summer day. That force of nature that calls you out into the world and makes you realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side it’s a beautiful verdant field right underneath your feet. I could be the waves that lap against the boat. A comforting feeling of connection to something greater, but a challenge to withstand on a rough day. I could be your favorite movie. The one you know inside and out but never pass up the chance to see again. A story line that never grows old and that you compare everything else like it too. Or even better, I could be your favorite band. That one band that means more than all of the rest. The one that has the songs that always seem to fit your life and the album you turn to as a sense of identity. I could be your memory. The one that always makes you smile and fills your heart with the warm sensation of a genuine life experience. The one you remember on the days where life takes too much from you. I could be your home. The place where you lay your head. The safe haven you return to when life hands you the pains you remind me of. A cure for you winter cough. The soothing sensation that comes from resting tired eyes. Waking up to the sound of nothing with sunshine on your face. That lasting Hello that never leads to a goodbye. A tall glass of ice water sliding through your body after the alcohol has left you dry. That feeling in your lungs when all you breathe is fresh air. The feeling of victory when you catch something right before it hits the ground. The one to ice your bruises when life knocks you down. I could be a reminder that you are alive. I’m the one you can’t handle.
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